A eulogy for Phil Saviano

“I don’t wanna be remembered as just a survivor or  advocate.”

Several times, over the nearly 30 years we were friends, Phil said this to me “I don’t wanna be remembered as just a survivor or advocate.”

Well, Phil, I know you’re getting at least ½ of your wish.

You may NOT be remembered as a Renaissance man. . .for your knowledge and curiosity and love of art, music, travel, writing and all the rest. 

But you WILL be remembered, and revered. . .for a long, long time.

Just look at obituaries and tributes - brimming with justifiable praise - that have come out in recent days. 

As wonderful as they are, these obits focus a lot on Phil’s enormous achievements in the survivor movement. But let’s briefly take a broader look at his life.

Phil Saviano grew up in the 50s, in a small town, in a devout working class family.

He was abused, horribly, for months, by a priest. And abused again, horribly, for years, by a selfish, cowardly church hierarchy.

And he was gay.  

Yet, he came out, stayed close to his loving family, amassed an incredible group of friends, traveled widely, created and grew a successful business and followed his passions. . . All while overcoming major health issues like AIDS and kidney failure and more. 

 What an amazing and fulfilling life he led. Phil knew and appreciated this. He said it to me, several times, in his last months.

He brings to mind poet Lucille Clifton, who wrote

Won’t you celebrate with me

What i have shaped into 

A kind of life?

I had no model.

I made it up. 

Here on this bridge between

Starshine and clay.

My one hand holding tight 

My other hand.

Come celebrate with me that everyday

Something has tried to kill me

And has failed.

Now, back to Phil’s extraordinarily effective work in the survivors movement. 

Over and over, you’ll hear and read some version of this phrase

“Exposed child sex crimes and corruption and cover ups.”

That’s absolutely true, of course. Maybe more than anyone, ever.

But to what end? Why? What drove Phil to risk and sacrifice SO MUCH to do this?

Well, sometimes, the simple and obvious must be said out loud: to save children.

Not so he could see himself in the newspaper.

Not so he could make some bishop squirm or sweat.

Not outta spite or vengeance (or stridency).

But to protect little kids from lifelong pain. To help them have the kind of idyllic childhood Phil enjoyed here in Douglas before Fr. Holley was sent here. 

He knew that every time a predator was publicly exposed, it became harder for that predator to hurt a girl or boy. He knew that every time a cover up was publicly exposed, it scared an employer from covering up more. He knew that every time abuse was in the news, a mom or dad would re-think who they’d trust to babysit their child.

If any of us, on our deathbeds, can say “I kept one child from being molested,” that’s huge, that’s plenty.  

Phil kept thousands and thousands safe. . . . 

Finally, as many of you know, Phil loved Leonard Cohen. Cohen wrote about a friend of his who QUOTE lived and died in dignity but left no son or lover to mourn”

"There are some men,” Cohen wrote, “who should have mountains to bear their names to time. Grave-markers are not high enough. . ."

I submit that, for Phil, a mountain is not high enough. . Luckily, though, we don’t need a mountain, or a gravestone, or any physical reminder of Phil’s beautiful, loving life, spirit and work. . .We don’t.

He’ll live on in our hearts of course. And in the countless lives of kids who’ll enjoy safe, happy childhoods because of him.