If you've been told you can't sue your abuser

You recognize that the child sexual abuse you suffered was horrific and criminal. You realize that you're still suffering from its effects now, years or decades later. And you've summoned the strength and courage to tell someone about it.

You should feel very proud of yourself.

But despite your courage and these impressive achievements and your admirable courage, you've been told "Sorry, you can't seek justice in court against those who commited or concealed these devastating crimes."

You now feel stuck and depressed, maybe even worse than before.

What now?

We at SNAP have three simple words of advice: Don't give up!

You owe it to yourself, your family and kids who may be vulnerable to abuse today to check out, as fully as possible, your legal options, EVEN OR ESPECIALLY after you've gotten one distressing opinion.

Again, you've clearly made enormous strides of which you should be very proud and for which you should feel very grateful.

But before accepting one view as the final and correct view, consider asking yourself these few questions.

• "Has an ATTORNEY told me I can't file a lawsuit?"

  Maybe she or he wasn't clear with you. There's a huge difference between "Sorry, I CAN'T take your case" and "Sorry, you do not HAVE a case." Make sure exactly which of these you're being told. (Or maybe it was someone you respect who gave you a depressing opinion. Regardless of her or his intentions or knowledge, if she or he isn't an attorney, please do NOT take their view as 'gospel.')
  

• "Has an attorney EXPERIENCED IN THIS TYPE OF LAW turned me down?"
  This area of the law - pursuing civil lawsuits against adults who commit or conceal sex crimes against children - is relatively new. That means it's evolving and complicated. It's crucial that you talk with a lawyer who has expertise and experience dealing with abuse and litigation. (Many survivors of abuse have trust issues. So rather than scroll through the Internet or the Yellow Pages and call a complete stranger, often survivors first turn to an attorney they know personally. Maybe it's a college friend or a sister-in-law or the retired judge who lives down the block. While each of them may be a very skilled lawyer, it's doubtful that they're experts in this complex and rapidly-changing arena.)
  

• Have MORE THAN ONE attorney said that I can't sue my abuser?"
  If the answer is no, please contact another one or two or three other attorneys.
  With medical issues, getting a second opinion is both common and of course smart. But too often, abuse victims - accustomed to being disbelieved or rejected or denied help - give up after being told once "You can't take legal action" for this or that reason. But where one lawyer sees no hope or no path forward, another may see considerable hope and several paths forward. Keep seeking expert opinions!
  

• Did my perpetrator ever hurt me, even once, in another state?
  Let's say a predator violated you 200 times in and around your hometown. And let's assume that in your state, a rigid, archaic and predator-friendly statute of limitations blocks most child sex abuse and coverup lawsuits. But if your predator took you across a state line - even once - and hurt you there, you may be able to bring suit in that state.
  

• Did my perpetrator leave my state, even for a brief time?
  In some states, when an offender moves elsewhere, the statute of limitations clock stops ticking. That means that sometimes, survivors are able to . . .
  We mentioned that abuse law is complicated and ever-evolving. That means that there are, as the old saying goes, "many ways to skin a cat. . . "
  (Prosecutors also sometimes take advantage of laws like this. See the cases of Fr. Daniel McGuire and Fr. James R. Porter for example.)
  

• Was I in the military at any point?
  It seems like an odd question but it's relevant. Being in the military, in some circumstances, freezes the statute of limitations. That, in turn, enables some adults who are sexually assaulted as kids to file lawsuits decades later.

THE BOTTOM LINE - If one source or person says or suggests you have no legal recourse against those who assaulted you, DO NOT GIVE UP. Laws governing child sexual abuses and cover ups are complex and ever-changing. Some attorneys are more experienced - and creative, and aggressive - than others in pursuing justice for abuse survivors.

And you don't want to end up, years from now, second-guessing yourself, asking "Maybe I should have looked a little harder at filing a lawsuit?" or "Maybe I should have gotten a second opinion before assuming I was out of luck."